Posted by celluloid_jam on April 20, 2006 at 09:46:27:
2006-02-28
I'm sitting here thinking about you, and life, and death, and grieving, and moving on, and my head hurts. There's a huge lump in my throat and I remember... everything. After years of memories fading to foggy images, everything comes crashing back, randomly and unexpectedly. And suddenly, when I think it's easy again, I just fucking miss the shit out of you.
I know you said that you think regarding spirituality, whatever a person believes is what happens to them when they die. What if you don't know what you believe?
I know how much you wanted to live. I know how scared and pissed off you were. I know how determined you were, and unwilling to accept anything but the best. Anything but life. All of it. Every second, whether it hurt or not. You wanted it all, and you should have had it.
Fuck the deity who took you away against your will and left all of us here missing you. It's like sitting around a warm fire on a cold night, and having it suddenly extinguished. It's cold, it's dark, it's scary and it's not fucking fair.
You promised to haunt us. I want my haunting, lady. Fork it over. Say hi. Show me something. Anything. Let us all know that there's something besides nothing where you are.
... It doesn't ever really end, does it?
Just say it doesn't. Just say you're still... somewhere. Watching. Making fun of all of us. Cheering us on. Telling us we're retarded when we deserve it. Still living with us. Through us.
Anything.